Try to keep your ego out of your relationships as much as possible. Being stuck up. i just thought it would be great experience to go out of my country and visit him. The distance obviously stopped anything developing but now hes completely disappeared out of my life and I cant adjust to it. The real trick is: remain PLUGGED INTO YOUR OWN LIFE at all times. I am in this crappy situation also, I have been dealing with this guy for a looong time. Nor do I think it makes him want you any less. I have not read anything until now that describes what you wrote, in such a simple, easy-to-understand format. Then I got a grip and stopped texting him. We didnt end up meeting for dinner cas he also has a friend in the city and also cas he woke up around 11:30 pm so I suggested we can catch up tomorrow and he said his friends here anyways so that sounds better. I met this guy, he wouldnt give up trying to get my number ..I did not want to talk due to the fact that I just lost my childs father that I was with..plus buried a guy I was with for almost three years ..so I have just basically given up on love specially find out the things they done behind my back after they past away..I finally decided to let him in..he bought my daughter things, he text me throughout the day even if he was at work, he always told confessed his love for me and my daughter and how he would always be here..so this past Monday he kelp telling me I need to go see what size my ring finger was and I did..he told me he had some making up to do because he told a lie like a week ago we had plans but he never came through on themyesterday we video chatted that morning the last thing I remember him saying was baby Im going to call you back ..I called his phn when I got off work the same day it went strait to voice mail..and it was like that the whole weekend he just went ghost on me ..Im so hurt because I put every thing in the relation ship that I had help left..I still gave him a chance its messed up specially when he knew what I been through all the unbroken promises for what? After two weeks, and no response, I finally texted him and asked if I should just assume that he didnt want to see me or talk to me anymoreand if that was the case, it would have been really nice if he had been adult about instead of disappearing. On the not texting me until he was ready to see me, on the just flat out ignoring the texts I would send him. So days later he finally agreed to talking. I had a similar experience as yours, met a guy on a dating site who lives about 3 hours away. But my heart hurts; someone I had such rapport with clearly didnt like me enough or fight his fear or whatever to follow up. So I would keep doing these little attention seeking ploys and basically I would intentionally self sabotage myself and thus push her away. With this it makes me feel its not even worth trying to date. I can only take solace in the fact that well all be ok in the long run im sure. He used to call at least every other day and I didnt get a call for a couple of weeks. I sent him a long message basically saying that I feel being accused of not caring is unfair when he is distant from me and told him what exactly I was feeling and he didnt reply at all. I really think he owes me, I need to know where I stand. 1: because he is married and Ive never initiated contact, he always did. We are made to relate, react, love, hate, reciprocate. Then a few weeks later he expressed that he was moving to his parents 3 hours away to get his life together.I accepted that because I understand when you fall you need help and that was his goal getting his life back on track. So at 530 pm last night (Friday) he messaged me back. Why would I want to do that to someone? Now hes doing the disappearing act on me & he has so many of my DVDs, how do I ask for them back? And then now hes the one giving me the cold shoulder?! But the mystery to me is why he cant handle being in a committed relationship. Its just not fair. So 3 nights ago I went dancing and hit it off with the bartender in a small joint. I thought maybe it was his job, considering what he did for a living and I know that he was sick. And then he was goneI texted, I emailed asking if everything was okno reply. There are plenty of reasons a guy might disappear and then reappear like this, but it can most definitely be super frustrating to deal with. Woth other people, friends, etc too. Do you deserve an explanation? She is ready to be my little queen and will certainly make me happy! He would disappear for the weekend and text first Monday morning Good Weekend? , to which I will reply , Absolutely! and he would then comment how absolutely beautiful I was in my Whatsapp picture and those two texts will be the only contact I would have for the day. We always got along. He had sex with her and had great dates several times, but then she showed her craving to be in a relationship which he didnt want at all. If there is no chemistry, or timing is not right, just tell her. I called him the following week and no answer. Taking me out being there for me. I am glad to see all theses responses even though its painful for everyone. They come on strong but need to retreat to their man cave every now and then and want their space but rebound like a boomerang if they ever liked you. I tell him I would like to be friends but he needs to be real about it and not just say it and drop off. I also told him that I needed to leave a bit early as I had a family evento attend to the next day He was very disappointed but soon got over it . Now I am 25 and he is 31 so we are both adults. When a guy disappears from your life only to reappear sometime later, it can actually mean that hes too possessive. I do not use medicine, i think its a plague in this country, and i think we are vastly over medicated in general- im quite fit and healthy and believe myself to be healthier without it. Then he said I think I love you. the problem is I had gained weight and was even more self conscious so when I moved to Australia, he kept asking me to hang out and I would always find an excuse and one day I told him listen I dont feel good right now, really self conscious,bla bla.. he told me he would never judge me. Im just not attracted to that sort of thing. If a girl asked me for cash on a second or third date, Id say no thanks and lose her number. I kept wanting to laugh as we conversed, and he said he should have married me. Then I do a freak out text saying I guess its over and basically saying it was so disappointing and throw out all my issues I have had with guys and wish he could have just done me a solid to talk to me and not do this fade out act. By Friday evening, I sensed something was up, so I phoned him and left a single message, really neutral just indicating I hadnt heard ROM him, etc. Who HAVE declared love? No.but I felt better.and I know I deserve better. And now he has just disappeared in thin air. He grabbed my face and told me he was so sorry for .everything. I like this young lady and I will be distraught if she meets someone else! This can catch you off guard as it satisfies your need to feel validated. At 4 pm I texted him hey r u alive? When we met it was like it was meant to be. He seemed very nice, kind of shy. You have no idea. In this situation, he was dealing with a very sick parent, and as I said before, people deal with grief differently and there is no right or wrong way. It gives them permission to go on hurting others and it becomes part of our culture for men to treat women with disrespect. I hear they make a great espresso ;). So in my opinion the person who finds themselves left behind should swallow the pride and reach out to ask for the very basic thing they deserve : a conversation, a closure. was the gift meant to say good bye? Are you willing to give him one more chance or has he wasted all of them? I am grateful he showed me that I could love again, but now I think I have lost all trust in people,and feel that even though I had worked on my neediness issues during the break, and held the belief that all he wanted was to give me time to reflect on my behavior as well as his own feelings, but now Im afraid this experience has shown that my insecurities were somewhat founded. It just drives me crazy not knowing why he stopped contacting me. I am getting therapy now and i want the day to come when he doesnt consume my thoughts. Im ok I think. I remember last conversation where he told me he misses me and our conversations..then a day later he went M.I.AI tried to phone him (not realizing this is actually him disappearing)2 days later I told myself well, I will not allow any man to do this to me.sure I cried for an hour, then dressed up, phoned my friends, poured my heart out and here I am still mad as hell at him, but obviously he was not the one and I decided that I am worth much more than the way he treated me / handled the situationI did however, knowing that he wouldnt reply) sent him a farewell message just to give myself that final peace of mind. I really wish we all can be more honest to each otherI hope your feeling better now . I didnt even question it.that is unitl one day. Yet, I seem to keep bumping into same type of selfish boys. I have no idea why! Not cuddling not a kiss and barely even a decent goodbye hug let alone sex. Be more simple. We even talked for the first time about those times we hooked at parties. My entire dating experience has been to have guys fall over themselves chasing me. Nothing from him for two days now and he left me with no transportation to work knowing I really had no one else to help me. Why does this happen?? Day Three: You know that if you contact him again you will appear desperate, so you wait another day before attempting to contact him again. All this being overly sensitive about every little thing someone does, or this self-centered perception on love where in order for him to truly care about you he has to cater to whatever you want all the time, its clingy and exhausting and no one can live up to that standard for too long, not even any of you ladies! The third time was because he did something stupid while drunk about 9 months later. If he was such a dick and could not write a word to me i figured this is not a person i could trust. I was upset and emotional. You are least know why. you should have moved on long ago. Around thanksgiving things heated up again and weve had a lot of laughs. He doesnt want to break things off completely so he leaves the door slightly open. Lol Now usually when I give him a dose of his own medicine, he eventually comes sniffing around wondering why and wants to know how I could possibly be living without his presence. Penpals can definitely be fun! At first like they all do he was chatting me up and sending all kinds of cute little messages throughout the day. We date for 3 months. Now the last time was when it was 31 dec and I wished him for new year and he responded. It was amazing. After a few months of dating I introduced him to all my family and he came to my cousins wedding. Just as things are progressing nicely, it all stops and he's gone. Its not that these men are boys, they just dont want drama and whats isnt drama to us, sometimes is drama to them. The next day he texted asking If I was being serious about meeting again( we were drunk during the whole party) I answered Yeah, why not so he asked me during the week where and when wed meet. If hes gone, he wasnt worth your time anyway. This statement needs to be at the forefront of this article. He even woke up and made me coffee in the morning before waking me. Not as well thought out. Wanna share whats going on? I never heard from him after the last time we hung out, not even on the day we were supposed to hang out later. So that night the last thing he said to me was a text message saying he missed me and to send him a picture. I felt like I needed to hear an explanation from him but at the same time I tell myself that if he wants to talk to me, he would. I was very unsure because from the pictures I had seen he was totally not my type but he was smartand funny so I agreed. I have decided no matter how much the rejection hurts. . the thing is, i know i deserve more and i know i dont like him that much anymore because of what he did but to be treated this way just hurts on a deep level. The only time i find i do this is when Im not in love with the man. I feel the reason he disappeared was because of my actions. What you shouldnt text when a guy disappears is: I miss you so much! But they would know next time that this is not OK. And if another and another woman would do the same to him Then on a 5th or 6th time they would think twice if they are going just to disappear without a word! He was such a gentleman through out the trip that I could see myself falling in love. Feminism have destroyed the relations between men and women by allowing men to be equal to women which means they are just pussies. We dated for two months, inseparable since our first date. Your email address will not be published. I am mirroring his action. I dont buy that they dont want to be distracted let them actually tell you that. 1. He told me about a birthday party he was going to on Saturday. Theyre cowards. Smith, I just had to respond to your comment!!! 11 days (5th month) later he texted me apologizing and saying how stressed out he was and how he thought I hated him and how he hated him so I replied out of concern. One who cares enough to freakin respond!good luck. We went to the restaurant that I picked, and he tagged along and enjoyed it. Rachel, although Im a lot older than you, I completely understand what you are going through. Texting makes it easier for people to disappear. But no man in the world has never not done something like that, at least once. I think it gets complicated the older you are and if there are kids, etc., etc. Or maybe not to her in particular because he doesnt want to lead her on? After a period of time I figured out what he was doing, I felt very disrespected and less of a lady because of it. That might have made him feel overwhelmed with emotions, making it necessary to have some space to recollect himself. Going in the wrong order leads to hurt feelings and disappointment, especially if its rushed for fear of losing the other person or to make sure hes serious. If you cant tell whether someone is in love with you, they probably arent. Maybe? His loss. What is known is that he wasnt in to you, for whatever reason. how can I deal with that?). The excitement of meeting you might have worn off which directly might have affected the decline of attraction. omg thanks for replying :) Ugh its really sad to think that he just wants sex because in all this years he never tried anything like that (or at least I didnt felt it that way..i dont know). Honestly Im still hurt either way. The off days,( especially the weekends where there is no contact at all anymore), are depressing as hell and the days we are in contact are heavenly, So today was an on day. Im sorry youre hurting, but realise that hes just not that into you to take care of youre emotions and perspective. Anyway, I just thought I might clarify that below my comment that apparently my story concerns a little bit different thing that the article concerns. I really have no idea too. The damage is done, theres nothing you can do so dont torture yourself over it. When he vanishes from your life completely, youll probably get an urge to text him. So, I am not crying over him. And then youll find another new guy you can try and spin something great out of. I wrote him twice, but sad to say I didnt got any answer. And they never ever come back. Im so confused right now, Ok so I been talking to this guy for 4weeks , i met him on the gram. Despite the distance, we were fine. ???? He kept insisting on meeting me which we eventually did and the next day he texted to say I really rang his bell and he really liked me, but his actions in the following days didnt match his words. In the 8 days Ive come to own i was overly invested in this relationship because I enjoyed the connection, and that we dont really know each other very well but I cant understand why he doesnt want his stuff back, or why hed be willing to throw away a friendship at the very least. By returning compliments, you will not only send him celestial messages of love and care, but you will also make him feel special. Thus we cut off and run rather than face the reality of hurting you in a face to face situation. They think I am at least 10 years younger because I dont look my age. You are either in or out! VR will be the death of material relationships Anyway, back to your situation Yeah, umm What did you expect from an internet ghost? He just left like that? It is Not about me . I went crazy and deleted my Instagram so I dont have to see the posts he had tagged me in and all the mushy stuff etc. He said he would make it up to me the next day. I know if he missed me hed texts first but I miss him so and want to to texts him firts all the time asking him why he just disapeared or just saying I miss you . We spoke and it was like nothing had changed, in fact he couldnt keep his hands off me. He will be at your doorstep within a few minutes. Although I knew at the end of ourr last date that I felt Id never see him again because of a couple of his responses and body language..but I guess I didnt want it to be true. I am so with you, why not just say. IF he wanted to contact me he would. If he met someone new that was competition for you, since he wasnt officially your boyfriend chances are he would try to hang out with you also- at least for a while, instead of suddenly going cold. So no contact after a breakup does two things 1) helps us get over the person IF indeed the relationship is over and 2) also makes the person miss you by your absence, Shannon, so needed to hear what you had to say. He doesn't know how to communicate. At this point, I felt like a child being given an empty promise just to keep me quiet so I told him, its hard to communicate in Text messages and some things were better said in person. It is really unfortunate that this is something you now have to deal with, but I would advise you to use this as a lesson. But I wont be tethered either. But why does this keep happening? Many of us would LOVE toknow why. But you wont be able to move on after him until you admit to yourself that the two of you could never work. I figured he was just tired. I tried a few times, but there was no response. If you dont hear from him in a week, you can definitely let him goAnd dont initiate contact with him at all. What can I do for HIM? Awesome chemistrym. I cant believe I let someone control me like that and then ghost on me. My friends think hes a douchebag and probably seeing that girl. Look, dont feel so bad. Not fair. The broken promises of I will be back in a few weeks from work and it changes to months and months. I am honest in my interactions and friendly and Im not judgemental. Why why why????? I know I made the mistake of not having an exclusive talk after we slept together (and no, it wasnt until a couple of weeks and a few dates in), but I am not a serial dater and I dont sleep around. I miss him like mad but i can no longer give him the best of me when he dips out all the time. He isnt the guy for you. The difficulty very often in these cases (which compounds the process) is that most women (myself included at one time) automatically assume hes vanished because he isnt or has lost interested, so react accordingly, which often only serves in turn to strengthen his original point of view. Thats why it will be best to go our separate ways if we realize that were not a match. And it happened to me only once. And yeah I am being a smart ass. Or maybe it came suddenly, out of the blue. If you've been texting with a dude for say two weeks and then you stop, it's going to take him at least five or six days until he registers the change unless he's very into you. The Dreamer I was! He said he disnt know What he wanted but he needed to find himself again. Looking at all the comments it looks like it happens to.a lot of people it hurts like crazy to be just cut of with no warning or reason from someones life im.wondering what the hell Ive done and when its going to stop x. Yeah it makes you reevaluate yourself and doubt if you are even worthy of being in a healthy, loving relationshipThe best thing you can do is let it go and not take it personallyThe fact that they dont have the balls to break up in person, to just disappear reflects more on them than on you..I also have the tendency to attract flakes to myselfMy last relationship was with a flaming narcissist..He kept coming, winning me over with his apologies and his amazing sense of humor, and then pulling the fade out on me the minute I got reeled in..It happened thrice..Its like hitting my head against a brick wall, I always felt stupid at the endLet it go..dont give him the satisfaction of seeing that his behavior affects youYou have no idea how empowering it is when they come back to check on you (Oh he will) and you show them that you are perfectly fine and didnt notice their absence or that they faded out at allJust dont let him take anymore of your energy, time or dignity.. Later on that afternoon he didnt reach out to me. Own up to it like a man. I sent him birthday gift which he should have received when I was texting him but ne never bothered to say thanks. I was miserable and baffled. I think men should realize embracing special feelings instead of running away from them is way more rewarding. Dont sweat it. It was a painful ordeal nonetheless it was quite a learning experience. When I found out I felt cheated, used, sad. or more than likely, hell really, really want to live up to being someone who follows through and someone who is sexy to you! Lets take care of ourselves. 1. Not all of them, but most of them are spineless douchebags. How could he do this? 15. Communication is key in any relationship, so make sure to talk openly and honestly . For young people in their 20s, think if they behave like this when its just the two of you supposedly all hot for each other and they cant handle emotions or respect you properly, what will their melt down be like when real life happens, like being married, raising children, managing household finances, caring for your parents in their final years. Was that a lie? I joined a dating website. Eventually he started becoming more distant during our 3rd month of talking and after one month of not seeing him (the last time being my prom night) I went over his house to hang out. Haha Rachel, the last part where you said Oh dear I may need some moral support. Time to wake up and move on, however hard it is. An example of this is that you had been very vocal to him about your intentions of getting back with him again during and after the breakup. We were friends first for 3 months, nothing romantic just talking on the phone, movies and dinner when he came to town- getting to know each other. 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