David & I had a wonderful relationship, but then I noticed a change in him. Like, Ive planned 90% of our dates. He would go as far as always try and give me hugs and he would try for me all the time and text me non stop, he would put an effort into trying to get me and he would always call me pretty and beautiful. Could you be the one who's not listening? I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. WebHe came up to me and brought me free drinks again. I stayed in that relationship. I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. But I needed to know if he still wanted the relationship with me because he has been so distant. I start to think that maybe he is cheap and he doesnt want to spend money having a meal in a nice restaurant because we didnt go out for a proper dinning experience. I have been with my boyfriend for over 7 months now. The problem is, everyone around me has boyfriends that are going the extra mile to make sure their girlfriends feel loved at this time. We used to work on projects together, go for walks, and he barely even grooms now. I know its a tough pill to swallow, but in time you will heal. He just had to show up with his stuff. ANGRY ALL THE TIME. So any advice for me would be great! Hes going to party for his birthday but couldnt do anything special for me today, especially after everything I do for him. He wanted to hang out everyday which at first I though was strange but I started to so after while it was weird for both of us to not be around each other every day. Am I a horrible girlfriend for feeling this way? He doesnt know WHY he cant put in the effort that he wants to put in. Its so frustrating and difficult when you love a man your boyfriend and he doesnt make any effort to see you, love you, or even respect you. Like hes not gonna change. Just because you have no family, dont let that make him think that he is the one whos there for you and hence, he can decide to love you when he wants to. That being said, Ive grown up a lot in during our relationship which is my first and it means a lot to me and i will definitely regret our breakup. He doesnt do the things he used to do. When i and my parents call him to come home(as our culture) he dont bother about him.. That was another thing to disappoint me more. I used to love doing that! As well BALANCE is a VERY hard thing for men I have learned. Hes shows effort but due to my insecurities I overthink when I stop seeing the efforts and assume the worst. he just sits there and acts like he hasnt heart a word ive said. When I started dating him I was very strong in my religion. Weve been together for almost 3 years and Ive stuck out the lack of attention for about a year and it really hurt. I really love him and he is my first. Around the 5th month, he asked me to be his girlfriend but then he quickly retracted it after realizing how serious we were about to be. Hes been consistent so far. Or he took them off somewhere he shouldnt have between home and work and left them or maybe regifted to one of his cohort? But I have stopped always responding to him quickly and am now just being courteous but not engaging beyond that, and he gets concerned and starts asking whats wrong, am i mad at him, etc. Ive always looked for someone else to fill that void for me. Find some activities/interest that give you pleasure independently find some close friends make some successes in your life that you can gain confidence from and then worry about your relationship when you are on stronger grounds. As it turns out hes none of these things. I dont know if Im being dramatic but its just hard sometimes when you feel like you love someone more than they love you. I am the first gf my bf ever had and theres only so much I can pin on that reason. We were together 8 months. OR 2) He just might not care at all. To never have to apologize to me, to never have compassion, to never find contentment, to never make up for hurting me, to never stop enjoying it. And now a year & half down the line we seem to be in a rut. Mildly work related topics but no reason for the call other than chat and vent. Just know youre not the only one feelings this Im not sure what is going on because I confront him about it and he says he just hasnt been on his phone. And when I ask him what hes been doing that he cant call me, he gives me horrible excuses. Hey so Ive been in a relationship for about 2 years now. and drags me with this idea too. And you need to figure out why youre not asking him to treat you better. I am learning. funny and stupid for I was foolish to be trapped with his flowering words. God bless! Apologize when wrong Be honest. He said he wants to make this relationship work but he cant even communicate which is important. I just see so many girls that have boyfriends who do so much to keep them happy, it just feels like my boyfriend stopped trying. He did it once and that was it. He says he doesnt want to text and show love and tells me to be patient. He still did not make much of an effort as far as even coming to visit me. Did his feelings change? He knows Im upset yet does nothing to help me when all I want is a hug. I know he is under a huge amount of stress because of work issues and family issues We dont spend much time with each other since we are both extremely busy, however; I am always keen to plan my time so we could at least spend half a day with each other weekly or every two weeks. Men just are good at keeping it closed up. Im still not brave enough to leave him though he was my first long term and Ive had the best time of my life with him. Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. https://www.bonobology.com/husband-does-not-give-me-attention Not just his X But his friends to and the kids. In the beginning, I used to be very demanding and unreasonable towards my boyfriend when he didnt meet my expectations and basically caused him to withdraw emotionally and he stopped trying. He has recently been stressed about getting into grad school and got denied for his first two school. I assumed I was losing my shit and being too emotional, but its the 70 hr work week and the MBA When you go without sleep for extended periods of time, you start developing symptoms that look similar to depression. How much time should I spent apart from him and not talking to him? I know thats not what you want to hear. I suppose its not at all about him but when I have time to think, my mind goes to him. I feel like he is not making me a priority in his life. Still didnt have my phone but my bf wanted to see me. If, for example, your boyfriend is dealing with work stress, emotional health issues or family problems then you can might want to give him some time and space. I had an awful night at work as a nursing assistant with 18 patients who were ungrateful and nurses who treated me like crap after doing everything for everyone around me. i cried a lot i asked myself will i love him back after knowing everything. Be careful when you hear those words. Please advice and apologize for the long narration. So any advice would be helpful. This person flakes when we have plans even after I said that Im not here for that. He says it just happened because we live in the same house, so it doesnt matter. He used to be affectionate and communicates a lot. We never do anything spontaneous or fun, and Im the type of person who loves that stuff. There may be more social pressure on men to be the ones who go after women, but hes got feelings too. SHE STILL HAD HER HARNOUS ON HER. is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Recently we spoke after time a part and he said hed really change. Rather call it quit now and learn to live without him as soon as possible because you are in a loveless relationship. ? Like WTF is your goal, here, exactly? we are a college couple of 2.5 years now. If his texts arent super time-sensitive, then its okay to He used to call me at night before he sleeps,now he doesnt anymore,he takes days to reply my whatsapp messages. Its hard for me to talk about it with him because he gets sensitive but he doesnt show it. Im 55, I decided I can not live another minute in an unstable relationship. I still have ticket stubs from all the movies we saw and how much trouble weve gotten into together. Like once or twice a week.I asked him to put in some efforts and he said he would change and that he is trying. As stated above, knowing what your boyfriend is going through (ex trauma, personal grief, work load) is important and all, but also knowing how you would act if you were in a similar situation gives you answers and peace. There is a possibility we wont be together if he gets accepted into grad school because its in another state. I dont know if hes dealing with somethings, but Ive decided to give him space & focus on me. weve lived together over 2 years now. I trust him but I just wish he would give me more time. I am not happy in this relationship at all. He then said it was my fault because I did not remind him that I needed a ride. But by week three the little things stopped happening I chalked it up to me being less a guest in his home and more a comfortable companion. Think about your dream guy, and you will find him. All I want is for us to share things I love together and not just his hobbies and interests. Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. After you write down your expectations of your boyfriend, ask yourself if theyre realistic. The first 5 he was boyfriend of the year. How come? Or, ask them for more details. Ive even used different approaches, including positive reinforcement. Sry forgot to put this i didnt know if I could or not but where Im at its not illegal plus I was 16 and he was 18 but. It hurts a lot when they say things to intentionally hurt us. You have to be more understanding. Show that you love them, laugh, argue, help eachother. He doesnt reply to you, so he doesnt deserve to know youre going to find someone else. We have an 18 year age gap. So in my situation, I live with my boyfriend for about a year now in which we did move too fast because we moved in together after about 6 months of dating. He works a lot sometimes so I understand he is tired, but he always wants me to come over his house. I have told him that I will be losing a lot when I move career wise. He Is Bored. He said he did. I love my boyfriend very much but he is so difficult to understand in the morning you will text with much love and in the evening he will tell you I dont know how to love, you deserve someone better who can give you money among others . For the first year or two with him, I never had any problems with needing reassurance and words of affirmation from him because he always did it so well. I love him so much but just dont understand why he doesnt care when I am upset. Yet never once hes let me in. Although he did not tell me this beforehand, we have been trying to work on these issues and improve our relationship. I been paying for everything(food,gas,food, weed). He started withdrawing from me after I asked him 2-3 times to hang out and do things with me. Should I just leave and find someone that can give me those things? I have been working 70 hour weeks and I am doing an online MBA. When I asked for a picture of his siblings and friends, he refused again saying they are private people and doesnt have to do with our relationship. He has cheated messages online I found a year ago. Now he is deliberately NOT doing it because I keep trying to remind him or motivate him but his thought is that had he known it was going to become one more thing I expect him to do and hound him over he would have told me not to buy it. That doesnt only mean that hes If anything is like now hes got this new job hes checked out and wants a new life. Web206 views, 11 likes, 2 loves, 2 comments, 2 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Andr Lima - EFT: O PODER DO PERDO. If hes not at work, hes in his reclyner n thats where he stays n doesnt get up unless he has to pee. I got upset and she said she was done being friends with me so yeah that happened. Around my birthday time I started to notice that his effort was there mentally and physically. Nor was him working full time and on his masters degree for 18 months. But he would rather break up than try to understand what makes me happy and make an effort. Whats the point of working hard if you wont let yourself play hard? I am literally in the exact same position. My future husband and I live 13 hrs apart.. But when we got home, there was another fight awaiting us. But I decided to tell my bf what makes me happy. Create your own personal world girl. We could barely recover from the last blowout and a month or two later boom! His mother is mentally ill and they are recently estranged. That night at 1 am I snuck out and had his sis pick me up. hed text at 11-1am for me, but by then i would have fallen asleep. It could be that your partner is losing interest and doesnt know how to communicate that with you," says marriage and family therapist Lynsie Seely. Even sent follow up warnings and he still didnt do anything this Valentines Day. I ask him what was his intention of saying it and give him the space to nagivate the answer by himself. This is one of the biggest reasons a guy will notice when you stop texting him. Never any action. I recently just been promoted to a great job.. One of the best things to do when youre confused about your relationship is to pull back and try to see yourself and your boyfriend more objectively. It is just hurtful to know that he could not even think of doing this one thing for me. im like nvr part of his schedule. Also expected to cook, clean, do the laundry, take care of our pet. In the beginning, they go overboard to make us happy. Also he NEVER wants to have sex so that concerns me too. He rarely responds to texts throughout the day and he never texts me first. And so its for the most part become an issue I think between us. I want him to want to make things better instead of just making decisions that arent beneficial to the relationship or are just downright harmful to the relationship. He keeps telling me that if I think relationships are only about anniversaries and dates, giving each other a label, cheesy stuff, then for him it isnt meaningful. Try to be better. The thing is there seemed to be no problem in our relationship, i love him and i feel like its mutual but about two weeks ago he began to claim that i was cheating on him (which Im not) and well ik its happened to him before. I have no idea what this is all about, but the roller coaster needs to stop, its too hard for me to deal with. Hi Jessica, Sweetie this man is never going to love you the way you want him too.He may love you the only way he knows how and its not a healthy kind of love by your comments. He works constantly and Im a stay at home dog mom (Recently weve been wanting kids). forgive me for my wrong grammars im a filipina and im not that good in expressing myself in english. I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years and will be 4 years this August. We met and it was pretty much an instant connection. He always gives excuses such as I just ate and no matter what I still put my pride aside and do it for him. Hes doing it deliberately. I started breaking down on zoom and crying. Maybe he doesnt want to look like a fool. Im a mum of one and I feel if we move in he will leave it all to me. i already confronted him with the issues and tried to convince him to change and make things smooth. it took me years before I finally moved on. i yearn for good morning texts or check ins throughout the day. laugh etc for 45-60 mins. Everyone always says how Couples always fight, but that was never us. Around that time, he moved to the same part of the city as me and started going to the skate park too. How cold he was to me made me feel like I was unworthy of love, like I was undeserving of his attention. So I dug in my heels, and he had a stressful day at work, so it ended with him yelling that I was bipolar and he needed a break before I left and he went back to work. I think the common thread here is, we are attaching ourselves to emotionally unavailable men. I need suggestions on how to deal with this. Im really worried because from October were doing it long distance and Im dreading that if Im not the one to go see him, were not gonna see each other for half a year. If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship. Last week,for like 2/3 days hes been quiet and inactive. Im dating my bf for a year and a half and we have had many calm as well as heated conversations about our relationship on our priority list. With him, he tried very hard to get the first couple dates with me and he didnt stop. I said it would really mean the world to me if he would send me a good morning text like he used to. So me and my bf have been dating fur about 5 months now. I want to make things work. Or do I allow that this person has already shown me who they are, and leave? The bonus to this approach? Now my mom did not know about my boyfriend i was afraid to tell her cause she probably wouldnt approve that he didnt go to school. everything stopped. He had PTSD, bi polar disorder and anxiety. I do far too many things for him. I love him dearly, but no lie Im confused & I dont like feeling confused. Not just that, sexually as well. I stayed, I settled for hearing that he loves me and cares about me but all the ugly and mean things said and done between those few comments of praise and validation, was the permission given to keep doing it. Honestly,I am fully aware I do not want a relationship with someone who acts like this and makes me feel this way, but I am in love with him and our relationship is great, when he gives 100% which I can not let go of, when right now its about 10%. I would wait it out just a bit, though, because hes probably dealing with a lot right now. He went out and bought 48 roses he surprised me with though out the day for Valentines day and took me out for a really nice dinner- he even planned having sexy time (which got postponed finishing). Because he needs time for himself and his past time projects, which is understandable as he is more introverted. My boyfriend and I have known each other since I was 18 years old. Especially since he cant even deliver the bare minimum in this relationship. I am an emotional person and I tend to cry. I decided I deserve to be treated with love and respect. He just replied by saying he didnt have any money. I made it to the driveway before I felt so uncomfortable I ran inside to put on jeans and a tee shirt. Today he also told me that he was not ready to spend so much time on a relationship. You can only hold on to hoping that things change for so long. This leaves us hanging on in hopes they will be that guy again. :'(. But, he still seems emotionally unavailable in that he doesnt know how to express his feelings for me, or reassure me. No dates, no presents, no initiating anything or trying to make me feel special. Seriously WTF? Notify me of follow-up comments by email. We started with skyping during weekends, to calling sometimes to texting only and recently weve stopped texting as often. While he was living with his mom he got a job and was so focused on that..he didnt talk to me as much anymore. I talk about this with him. But after reading the article I realize that Ive just been complaining but I have never taken out the time to ask him, what a healthy happy relationship looks like to him, what his definition of effort is, or what kind of life does he want us to live, with me planning everything for us or what he wants. he nvr wants to go out w me, not even to dinner. Carve out time for conversation, get in tune with their needs, stop avoiding difficult chats, empathize with what they say, and listen to how they say it. The day before yesterday he texted me saying hes been feeling unwell and didnt get much sleep. sometimes comes to my place to have sex. All I can suggest is continue to be very clear with your communication. I was sad I didnt ask for any of his contact info so I only had his name. We ended up living together briefly because he did not want to be apart from me. But again, ask if he wants to just get anything off of his chest about his father, and just let him talk. He sounds willing to work on your relationship, be thankful for that. The kids masters degree for 18 months one of his chest about his father, he stopped giving me attention just let him.. Webhe came up to me if he would give me those things to hoping that things change for long... I was very strong in my religion am not happy in this relationship at all loves. Anything this Valentines day up with his flowering words move in he will leave it to... Regifted to one of the tunnel n thats where he stays n doesnt get up unless he has pee. Turns out hes none of these things fallen asleep, take care of our pet be. The ones who go after women, but by then I would have asleep. Expected to cook, clean, do the things he used to be treated with love and respect deserve know. 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