Mine even told me he was a COWARD, said he hadnt been a very good partner to me, shouldnt have said this or done that I did try to fix him. This enraged the narcissists because narcissists don't get dumped. Hes evil and Im miserable. I view them as keeping me away from productive things. He couldnt deny the behaviors and traits fit. You cannot have a healthy relationship with a Narc. A lot of the features look the same. The healing here is astonishing. I finally learned after falling for the hoovering several times. The long talks we had and the support he gave me even though he did that to make himself feel good, really helped me at a time when I was at my lowest. Imagine how alone youd feel with no support or resources or acknowledgement that narcassism is a real problem. Try to get that support reduced and try to ruin you. And even though I now know why, I still do. Anybody with experience having a narc as a friend? For a start, it is self-indulgent. The pieces of this insane puzzle will never come together and you may never truly understand what she was thinking or feeling for you. Because I got to see his good side (he has one). How we can see something or someone so clearly and yet we choose to be blind to the truth at the same time. I did things again for myself and felt happy, he contact me again. ************ I want you to know that I am thinking about you and praying for you. Or maybe he decided to abandon that persona for a new one since he felt exposed? And that i better look for an other man because he cant make me happy. Anon and Tiredofliars8, its true that its common for Narcissists to have overlapping Cluster-B disorders. Just within the last month Ive been able to come out of my house riding my bike taking walks and etc. I grew up with an emotionally abusive father and he was aware of this. let them back in in anyway and you will find yourself back at Day One, curled up in a fetal position. Having an ex unblock you can do a real number on your psyche; you tend to overthink, question their motives, feelings towards you, and most importantly, your feelings towards your ex. Hugs. No i am letting go. Click Image to Order via Amazon. You cant control the narcissist or know what he or she is thinking. He is now with a new supply I have been with no contact for 9 months. Further, she may have settled with the new guy for the simple fact that he doesnt see her for what she is, and you do. Whole story that he is not happy with that other person etc. As difficult as it may be, the best thing to do in this situation is to stop communications with the new girl friend. He met her and things scalated quickly to the point he is pretty much leaving me and our 3 year old. In the meantime he had moved in with another friend who like me had believed his sob story about Kym throwing him out and that he was a the victim. My ex narc, after returning from a wonderful weekend away with me, promised to take me away on a surprise trip the following week. As with all emotions, it can be used positively or negatively. I never did nothing but fallin love with a man who lied to me . If I can be so bold as to say that there some part of you doesnt love yourself as much as you should, and/or you have boundary issues. So, as far as theyre concerned, the more supply they get, the better the relationship. My ex pulled the same crap. Because in most cases, they will never admit they have a problem. Be genuinely loving. It was that she was not responding to my texts and pulled yet another disappearing act on mewhich was unacceptable this time especially given the current set of circumstances. The new supply doesnt know the narcissists agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. I have experienced this for seven years and I truly understand. Why you put up with it all. Thats why it is so easy to come back because i have no one here in my neighborhoud. I just couldnt ignore, 1. Good for you that you feel strong now. Getting rid of this guy is the only hope you have for a future. And they are not happy in their new life. The basic difference (from all my obsessive reading and studying on this behavior) is that BPDs can feel empathy at times. Its just, that I noticed to many explanations based on they are insecure underneath, deep down, etc. Suddenly a new supply I was thrown to the wolves. She has control of me Im a copper too! She looked even better than she did in high school, and more importantly, she was 100% my type. Let me know hey. Angela we're not done. its not fair that you de-friended me on FB. I just filed for divorce after 22 months of no contact because though He discarded me, he will NEVER file. i knew that but this.. and just now? Loving and wishing for something that did not exist. Confirm you had be eloquent enough and hope is nana is better.. He said there is no woman like me, he loved only me couldnt imagion to be with some one els and everything from the love movies. I always felt ashamed when we went out because theyd just throw on anything.. They're ignoring you and making themselves inaccessible to you. I also have a special needs child and my ex is telling her that i am an alcoholic which of course is not true, but see similarities, so she thinks she needs to protect him because she is fighting her demons and he has triangulated her, the perfect target, she can try attack me which comes from her issues and he gets off on that. WHY DO I WANT HIM BACKWHY CANT I JUST FORGET ABOUT HIMIM SCARED THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT, You have to realeyes that being involved with an narc is no thing like being with someone who is not a narc. Im sure you have added me to that list now. Im learning a lot with you. (New approaches dont argue with this, but with the explanation for the behaviour, its underlying cause). I wont be scared I need to know if someone who is not violent or have never exhibited violent tendencies, but is clearly PD in cluster format can they be sent over the edge? When I was told ten years ago I had brain tumor over the phone I was on my way to therapy. I didnt respond; I wanted to throw up! He was at her house thats up the street from me having a party. I told him that I was sick. That some people say things they dont really mean and have too much pride to admit they messed up badly? I loved him beyond belief. How to take control away from a Narcissist? Now I have these legal troubles. Unfortunately, we are the ones who need to leave. Knowledge is power! Process of Elimination: Understanding the Why of the Narcissist After the Discard | Rehashbrowns, FAQ Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact? Finally it is on record. I hope. Aside from that, he seems to have all the blue-print traits of a Narcissist and its very unlikely things will EVER improve. Hi Kim, thanks for your input. This is the point I look back on and realise I was so in love with her the rational part oif my brain stopped working. Like he was punishing me KNOWING I didnt feel loved without physical expression on a regular basis. In all you wrote what stood out for me is your son. I said I do, but I wont let you have that satisfaction of wAtching me fight. So i was writing everything down only to read back a whole lot of beginnings with the beginnings of another event as the ending! I moved to dayton , ohio met a narcassist named quan i am a widow he sought me out . This gives them a great advantage over us. So I met with him on Monday. He cant go. His point is, that the traditional psychoanalytical approaches are very much applicable to all the neurotics (people with emotions, insane or healthy), BUT NOT THE DISTURBED CHARATERS, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN IMPLYES THEIR ACTING ON SUBCONCIOUS, AND THESE CHARACTERS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING, THUS ACT CONCIOUSLY. And it will be if you go back. That he didnt mean to hurt me, never wants to see me hurt..but no apology. Before you know it, you have forgiven their faults, had babies by them and years have gon by and now you wish you would have left sooner. She does not even know me. Well, I have been no contact now for over 6 months with the occasional letter concerning our daughter. You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. But now i have told that i have a boyfriend, he suddenly texted me `have a nice weekend`.. i did not respond. But as was the case with you, and all the partners they had before you, the new supply will eventually be devalued and discarded, too. He must know that feigning weakness and professing his need for me are my weaknesses. One such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our bodies. This is a terrible blow to the narcissists self-esteem, and it will activatenarcissistic rage. There is a tangible difference between BPD and NPD, even though the symptoms and the way the victim feels is similar. I bought him 2 cars which were never good enough. Having trust issues, no friends. In his case, his narcissism was (unfortunately) also deeply mixed in with religious jargon. Block him from texting, calling, email, FB. The narcissist will try and convince you that theres something wrong with you for not staying friends. They cant stand rejection so they try to cover it up and make you feel as bad as they do. I have been so confused by the 180 mine did going from you can come back any time despite being emotionally abusive every other interaction, to now acting like I have been so horrible to him he cant stand to be in a room with me even for our kids teacher conferences or IEP meetings. Poor thing..shell learn soon enough. There are many people who understand you and you can get support from many people. Reblogged this on Living Life Creatively and commented: keep tabs on me)? He was a 6 4 gym freak who made her feel safe and laugh until it hurt. Or maybe the narcissist humiliated or degraded us even further or rubbed new relationships in our face. Anyway, I told his mom after that conversation that I was not going to just give it to her as my reason for selling it was for the money cause the ex left me with no money or job but if she wanted to buy it, she could like any other person. Dearest . Thankyou for your advice. Thank you for your supportive kind words. We separated in August 2012 four days after our daughters 7th birthday after him striking me so hard I thought hed broken my jaw/cheekbone. yes, he is fearful of my presence and tells the kidss, I dont want your mother anywhere near me, lol. Narc think they own us When I say that to normal people, they think I am implying that I am irresistible and in denial that he does not love me anymore I am afraid to get into another relationship because Id like it to be no drama, and for now its not the case, although I feel ready to move on I am glad to find support in these blogs! Who knows. They might be able to help you with healing resources, and will certainly be able to help with your tendencies to self-harm. Your story sounds almost identical to mine. This is the same selfish shite who left me in debt with unpaid bills, and in the time that he had stayed in my house he had bought two investment properties and of course he also left me his cat. Shes the youngest of 5 with 4 older brothers. Then yesterday, I ran into her coming back from the park and chatted. The sooner you see that everythjng is about them, their is a pattern you get caught up in with them. My suggestion would be to find out what it is within yourself that attracts you to this personality type (since you mentioned shes not the first). Should I call him, meet with him. We must lover ourself just as much as our childeren. Everything Kim wrote above fits my ex narcissist girl friend to a T. So Briana, don't feel it's the nature of men. So now i confessed that i miss him to and our love and laughter. Whether its good or bad its still with you, and that makes it worth it. Grrrr so bad!!! On one of the sites the question had been if psycho women bring less ego into relationship, then psycho men, I wrote no and explained why. Get better at playing his game than he is. I am shocked at myself..I am savvy.. but his lies and deception shone through and good luck to his new GF ..he wants women with high profiles to further himself.. and I had many contacts.maybe getting so distraught and phoning his Mom was not a good idea.. but hey he said he had his own home yes lies lies lies.. never ending. I have gone thru some very dark days including overcoming my battle with cancer and depressionAs far a I can tell, His life has scarcely changed at all.Thank you for reaching out! Narcissists are Narcissists because they have dark personality traits that rarely change for the better. I know if he hadnt come along I would have gone back for more. You are also one who I know has been deeply wounded by numerous men in your past. But the real challenge is when he contacts me. I went NC again for close to a year and I felt every emotion in the book including horrible guilt for refusing contact, but I needed to heal and get emotionally healthy. I cant make you happy. I need that hope, I want to find that freedom inside me so once more I might fly free among the clouds. Wrote to me that he missed me and then I told him never contact me and he sent me a nasty email trying to bring me down. You see, creating an illusion of happiness is a narcissist's favorite form of post-breakup damage control. | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, Trauma Dumping: When Venting to Family and Friends Turns Unhealthy, 8 Disturbing Reasons Narcissists Stay Friends with Their Exes, Narcissism Is Not Neurodivergence: Why We Need to Stop Grouping Them Together, 4 Types of Trauma Narcissists Inflict On Valentines Day. When I say Im in love with you I mean I love being your mystery, your riddle, being what keeps you up at night, your obsession. No matter what direction or action I take, someone will get hurt. Do you think he will try make his way back once he knows how serious I am about not caring to losing everything including the house. He called three times in a row cause Mr. That is something that will take time. Especially because your son is involved. I went to court house for EPO and they couldnt do it, because he was silent for a week and wasnt threatening me etc. I blocked him from my social media profiles about 2 months ago. I have realised that I had The Narcs guy..He appeared on fb.. freinded and went all out to say he adored me etc.. then on to online erotica..bdsm ..he was coming to me in uk.. and what an amazing life we will have for years..I was so deeply in love ..he was the drug I had always wanted and boy he knew it..Then after online erotica no messages for a week or 2..the crunch came when I went to NYC..he was coming he could not wait for it.. yep guess what he never came to me..he went to local bar for the night.. he told people he was scared of me..wtf I think he did not want me to see the real him..and yes I found out he had other ff in waiting.. after 4 months of hell. Throughout our relationship he was abusive in every way. Looking back at my relationship with the N, I realized there were red flags from the beginning. So, having read on all these since 2009 so far, I concluded, THIS IS MY VERY SUBJECTIVE CONCLUSION, I WOULDNT TELL ANYONE TO TAKE THIS AT THE FACE VALUE.. all Cluster B disorders COME WITH NPD ANYWAY. I received a text from her shortly after her borrowing the money that she had a check in the mail for me! Should I be on my guard. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. Or, I should say, whenever I begin to entertain paranoid thoughts of the two of us apart the emptiness creeps in. He knew he left me with no job and no money so Im not paying for any of those past bills. My telling him I was onto him did the trick. I was strong. How she was never to blame and how I wasnt really her type. Part 1 and Part 2 are equally important to read. I dont answer. I was too sick to get to police and didnt understand what was going on due to brain infection/surgery. He lies and lies and covers with excuses and tries to deflect blame. I have moved out of town and even changed careers. Attention seeking (from both females AND males, he was flattered and sought both), odd behavior and relationships, drama with friends and people he knows, lies (small and significant lies), reckless behavior etc. I dont know enough about borderlines but they do say narcissists usually have something else with their disorder ie sociopath narcissist, sex addict narcissist..maybe he is a borderline narcissist. I also recognize the peace I feel would not be if we were anything more than what we are. So ladies, women can be just as devestaing a Narcissist as a man can! And i know in my mind what i SHOULD think say and feel. One wonders too how this fresh start would manifest for his little group of facilitating sidekicks maybe 4 or 5 other people who have acted more or less abusively in tandem with the narcissist would the fresh start to be exclusively with the narcissist or with this whole team is his offer the result of some consensus between these people that they all agree they have acted abusively and they are somehow sorry and wish to help repair the damage. That I seemed to have bipolar and need help. If you are truly the owner of this image, you should already be aware of it being hosted on their platform. I can relate to your concerns because I share a son with my Ex. You can find more of his work here on WordPress, at thoughtcatalog.com. One thing in my favor is that I dont feel in love with my narc anymore, but I do feel a lot of compassion and friendship for him. Once you have stopped caring what the narcissist is doing or thinking or will do in the future, youve already won back control of your life. The solicitor states the deed is in force and to get my house back I must pay her close to 65,000. He was cruel the first week, he was just heartless. The therapist that was to support me said ,you need him. He was livid and proceeded to tell me he was done, thats it etc. But yes, I agree that both men and women with narcissistic disorders cause massive amounts of damage to the ones that cared for them. 5. Anyway family day he came by to see kids, once they went to bed he sits down and my three yr old is sitting there and he says do you know why I came? If he comes to my door, Im not answering. I agree. I loathe and love him simultaneously. I spent many days and nights feeling like I was on the verge of a breakdown, dying inside over that man. Nothing could be further from the truth. We separated for 7 months and he befriended a woman I later found out he was spending tiime with her at her home. Thanks Kim, could it be because he is about to lose the family home and go bankrupt. So many unknowns I could reach out and ask, but Id never trust a word from his mouth as genuine. I have mine blocked but when I get the urge I switch to my Bible app and read James I had to acknowledge him, and he I. All of these behaviors youve listed are par for the course. Professing his need for me is your son is when he contacts me hurt me, seems... Are not happy with that other person etc but with the occasional letter concerning our daughter underlying cause ) the! Or action I take, someone will get hurt the phone I was on way... Makes it worth it, we are the ones who need to leave my.... Happy, he was done, thats it etc for more further or rubbed new relationships our... He knew he left me with no job and no money so Im not answering also recognize the peace feel! 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